There is this story from a newspaper, of a woman in a rollover car crash, which stays with me. I think of it while driving, fearing the same could happen to my wife, our children, or some number of other people I know. There was a dog thrown from the car, so I think of my dogs too. People on this road are busy and we all leave the smallest space between ourselves, unconsciously negotiating between ourselves and the objects which lay out clear paths. If the objects could be smoothed out somehow, there would be less to careen into. If the fractions of space between us were more pronounced, some seemingly infinite trajectories would be possible to keep ourselves from crashing. So many people are in their cars talking to someone not there. We speak and text on machines as if our lives depend on it. We pray that way too.
Once, a friend told me – in a dream, she saw me die in a crash. So now every drive since, may have been my last, though I don’t pay much to the meaning or prophecy of dreams. I do keep that one in mind. A two lane highway is the only route home.
This morning my wife and I had a snap heated word or two. We don’t fight much but sometimes it goes there. I anticipated the stress of the morning and I know I, I pushed too much. It didn’t take long after she drove off that I realized it. Things might have gone smoother. I want to be with her again.